Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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