does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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