office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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