it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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