I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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