I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
