Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
