What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
