4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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