Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
