no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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