YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
