just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If its not for food we ain't going out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
