OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
