you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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