I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
