I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
