I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
