I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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