I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
