Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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