Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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