32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
