There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
