I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
