I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
