I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
