My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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