ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
