i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
