Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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