We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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