i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
