There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
