i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
