so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
