actually, I'm a sock model
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
