i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
