We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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