is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
