its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
