party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Welp...herpes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
