so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
