He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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