did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
