drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it penis luge time yet?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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