i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
