Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
