whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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