So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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