plz talk dirty to me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
