Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize