Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
