I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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