i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
