Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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