All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
