Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
