You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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