I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
