where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i permit you to call me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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