Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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