It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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