I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm too high and old for this...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
