i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everclear isn't food dammit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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