Will you blow on my dice?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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