I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
