I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
