My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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