Im at strip club and am horny
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How's work?
Spinning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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