she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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